Time to get a little real and perhaps maybe even a little emotional – if you make it to the end of this long post with me I promise it will be worth it.
This post has not been an easy one to write – sometimes my thoughts flow out of me in a streamlined fashion and come together exactly as I want them to but this post is a little different. It’s not just about my thoughts or feelings but about a very secret part of myself that I don’t share with many people. A blog is for divulging but some may argue that a business blog should be kept “vanilla” so as not to offend anyone. I don’t know that I agree with this – not everyone is going to want to hire me and on the flipside there is definitely a certain kind of couple I look to work with so by putting myself out there perhaps I’ll attract the type of people who really get how I work.
If I had to break it down and look at what I love about shooting weddings in particular is love – I know, it sounds cliche or kind of obvious but real and true love to me is something tangible. It is rooted in faith – in each other, in the convenant of marriage, in forever and in God. Yep, I said it – the secret part of me that I hold close and don’t talk about often – my faith in God. I don’t talk about it because I feel like there are quite a few that taut their faith like a secret key to gaining access to special club. I love Jesus so you better hire me type of scenario – I’m not embarassed about my faith but perhaps I want clients to choose me for something else other than something so personal.
God has granted me every blessing and tested me with many things in my life and it has been a very interesting walk. I grew up in church – whether it be Pentacostal, United or Reformed from a young age I would sing hymns praising him and then one day life got hard – harder than I could have imagined and it made me doubt his presence. I can’t tell you how many times he tried to win me back, reminding me he is there when needed, showing me that I was worth it and that I deserved a fulfilled life but I was too hurt, too damaged from my life experience.
It has been a long road to come to terms with all of the things that I have gone through in life but I feel like I’m finally at a place where I can be thankful for those difficult things and the lessons that come from them. They taught me to be compassionate, to accept people from all walks of life, to love and finally my last lesson is learning to be loved. I’m working on it but it’s not an easy thing to do when you don’t feel you deserve it.
I am so thankful for photography and finding my passion for photographing weddings because it has been such a healing process for me. To be surrounded by love, to be in the presence of God at work in joining these couples together is nothing short of magic. It keeps me breathing through any stress that a wedding can bring. Not all my couples are religious or do we discuss God but when I look at all the couples I work with that religious love, the devotion to each other is a constant and re-occuring thread. Some show this through how they are each others best friends, some show this through being there through difficult times, some are more affectionate and some choose to keep that part of themselves private – true love at its core all looks the same to me though and can be broken down to the way one looks at one another. The soft smile, the warming of the eyes and the implied tenderness.
When I met with Brittany and Chris for the first time I thought they were funny and nice people but more than Chris’s ability to discuss and debate intelligently and more than Brittany’s gentle and thoughtful demeanor I was drawn to something else – something I couldn’t put my finger on. I was really hoping these two would hire me and when they did I was over the moon. Of course I enjoyed the engagement session but it was on the wedding day that I was truly able to figure out what I liked about them. How real they are as people – they are just good people who try to do the best and were raised by good parents. I stood in Brittany’s family orchard during their ceremony, surrounded by thier friends and family looking at every face happy for the new couple and I was amazed at how respectful everyone was, so present in the moment of the ceremony and then the most magical thing happened. Brittany and Chris’s ceremony may not have been held in a church but it was still very mindful of their faith so of course hymns were included. I remember sitting there thinking “Wow, this family must be made up of choir members because they all have such beautiful voices” and for a moment for me it was like the wind in the trees stilled and the earth was silent and they started in on “How Great Thou Art”. My Mom is an amazing singer and some hymns stand out to me – this is one of them, in that orchard I felt the true presence of God. All of those voices lifting together …
“Then sings my soul
My Savior, God, to Thee
How great thou art
How great thou art
Then sings my soul
My Savior, God, to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
When through the woods
And forest glades I wander
I hear the birds
Sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down
From lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook
And feel the gentle breeze;”
The words came back to me and I joined, very quietly in song – savouring this return to my faith, experiencing the day the way I imagine Brittany and Chris wanted their guests to. To sit in the beauty of nature created for us to enjoy and rejoice in the blessings he has given to us. I am so thankful for being chosen to be a part of their day, I am so exstatic to have the chance to have captured such a beautiful and meaningful moment. I feel so blessed and lucky that God not only called me to do this “job” but that he also brings couples like these two that remind me of all that is beautiful about a forever with your best friend. Thank you so much to you two – for including us in your day, for trusting me and for being true to yourselves and your faith. Christians are not perfect; we swear, we fall down, we make mistakes but we are loved nonetheless. I hope you enjoy the photos as much as I enjoyed your day…
Thanks again to Serena for second shooting with me and to both of their families for welcoming us with grace.
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