After WPPI I really got a chance to look at myself and do some introspection and I realized that some of the things that hold true for myself – are also true for a lot of people. We often let our own fears and self doubts stand in the way of achieving our dreams. We let other peoples successes and inspired ideas be our failures – just because you didn’t come up with the idea doesn’t mean that you can’t still follow the same path – you just need to figure out how to make it your own. This is what I mean by letting someone into your head vs your heart. If you look at a great painters work and admire it but think “I could never do something as good” then you have been defeated before you even try – if you in turn look at it and think “That is a beautiful piece of art – that inspires me” and then attempt your own masterpiece – you will have let the artist into your heart and into the process of creativity but from your perspective. We are each individuals with an absolutely unique perspective. No one has lived your life, with your family, with your experiences and dreams – in the exact same way that you have – so why not capitalize on your individuality? This is something that I am finding as a comforting and guiding truth in wedding photography. Photographers are first chosen for the style and then most importantly, their personality – we need to stop being so competitive because no one can copy that aspect of our businesses.
I am definitely one of those people that can have a self defeatist attitude about some things but I am learning to push past it. It is this part of myself that holds back and second guesses letting people see the “real” me. For some reason I have zero problem doing this with clients but I know I definitely have a problem doing this with colleagues and even some of my friends. I tend to shy away from being silly and even comfortable with them until I know i can trust them! I have worked really hard to surround myself with people I can trust – trust is huge for me – but I am learning to trust people more – but differently. I am going to work on being less afraid of what people think of me and work more on what I think of myself. I wrote to a new friend Jesh De Rox ( who is an absolutely amazing photographer ) recently and tried to put into words the immeasurable impact his platform class in Vegas had on me. It was funny, even as I was listening to his words that night and feeling little pings in my heart – I knew I wanted to let loose with a flood of tears but I held myself back – I turned to my friend and fellow colleague Krista and told her that I was trying not to cry – she said “Just cry” and yet I still couldn’t do it. I went back to my room that night and cried on my own and then wrote the first poem I had in a long time. It is as Jesh said in his reply to me ” we are all richer when we give unconditionally from who we are ” – and this is what I am going to try and do more of.
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